Our family life begins

I have been your typical wife and mother. The minute MH and I were married, it was time for babies to come into this union. I was ready, we were ready. We finally got the news towards the end of our first year that we were going to be parents. It was exciting to start this journey. We had a Son. Life was wonderful. We loved our little family. We grew in many ways as new parents do. We were a tight little bunch. I'm sure from the outside, everything looked great and you know, from the inside it was too! I loved my little family. I adored my boys. I had a sweet, loving husband and a beautiful little boy. My husband was even more wonderful because he had such great fatherly instincts.
Time went on and we knew it was time for more. A daughter joined us, we were going to start trying right at 2 years, she came 2 years 8 months later. We jumped a month ahead of schedule. We were so blessed. Life got a little more busy. Husband and Wife settled more into mommy and daddy but we still were close, just busier. Time for #3. He came a little later, 4 years later. Life really did feel busy. We kept up. Mommy, full time homemaker, church callings, friendships, family. It was a great busy life. Daddy, provider, church callings, husband, friend, son, all the things that goes with it. We kept doing what we were suppose too. I can't remember anything out of the ordinary. I remember thinking about then, that we had really started to grow up. We argued less, gave into each other more. We really were learning how to forget ourselves and serve our children and family. Now looking back, were we starting to forget each other? A little bit. MH was concerned with work, I was just....well a mommy. I wasn't anything fabulous or different, just mom. I didn't see any outside or inside problems. Time for #4. He came and I felt overwhelmed. I was very busy. It was as if kids were every where. I know, I couldn't have been a mom for any more. It was time to stop. It was time for some permanent action. Why am I adding this? Because a lot of times you look back and say "Gee, if I only would have KNOWN!!"
I remember when MH and I decided it was time to get a Vasectomy I asked him "This isn't going to make you think you can go out and play the field, does it?" Now don't freak out! Most men it doesn't, I just didn't know mine was already playing IN THE FIELD! The Dr. came in and told us all the do's and don't's, how many times to do it, be careful about pregnancies, "It could still happen and until you have 2 confirmed no sperm check, still be safe." He told us of a couple that came back and said that the husband had cheated on the wife and the girlfriend was pregnant but the husband said no way because he was fixed. The Dr. asked when it happened and he said shortly after he was fixed, sure enough the husband/boyfriend was a daddy again. The Dr. left the room and I turned to my husband and said "That is a shame, he is talking to the wrong people. We are a monogamous LDS couple. We have standards we keep and not part of the world that goes around sleeping with who ever!! For heaven sakes!" Remember I said that, it comes back to haunt me. Yes, I did really say those things. Nothing or nobody would come into my marital union. I knew it, nobody, no how!! Did I mention there were 2 in this union?
We went back to our lives now with a change in our sex life. It was fun, free. We waited the 2 times and no sperm. It takes a while because it takes about 10 times to fully be sperm free. I thought 10 times, holy cow that's going to be like almost a year for us. I was surprised it was 2 or so months. (Bell's go off anyone?)
I loved my husband, he was so hard working. I loved my family. We felt so complete. I was even feeling good about myself, I could always get the baby weight off and didn't feel to bad. I was grouchy but other than that, not out of the norm. I was still your church active little wife. I tried to do what I was suppose to. Keep going, make everyone happy.
When my baby was a new born I now can see some changes. I was totally consumed with baby, he was about 1 and a 1/2 months old. MH came to me and said, "I feel like you don't even know who I am. You don't even pay attention to me." I'm thinking and I believe I even said "I don't even know who I am, what day it is or if I'm still wearing the clothes from yesterday." I was spinning. I really did think "Where in the heck is this coming from? Why doesn't he step in and help a little more?" There was also a difference with the baby. He didn't really pay that much attention to the baby. I would almost have to make him hold him. I thought "Didn't we both want this baby?" And yes, we did.
About this time, MH's company was making some changes with a job site and MH needed to go out of town. I came down with a massive breast infection. I was so stinkin' sick. It felt like a bomb was dropped on me. I'm a tough gal, I hate being sick. I usually ignore it if I can, not this time. I was even dodging my Dr. He told me that if I got another breast infection he was going to hospitalize me. With all this in mind, MH was at the door getting ready to leave. I begged, pleaded with him to stay. I needed his help so bad. All I wanted to do was climb in bed and not have to take care of 4 kids. He went, I cried. I knew I needed a Dr. and my Mom. I broke down and called the Dr. and thank goodness, another Dr. was on call and gave me more Antibiotics. I was so sick I told my kids to please tell Grandma to hurry and come. I was sitting in front of the fire place when she came to the house, she took one look at me and said "You go get in bed or I'm taking you to the Hospital." It was a blessing from Heaven, MOM!
I know you are wondering, "Why the details?" Because this was NOT MH. The man I was married to would have called his boss and said "One more day, my wife is sick and I need to stay with my family." He would have put me to bed and taken care of the Dr. stuff, that is who I married. I was so hurt and surprised. Why? Why was this stupid job more important than me? He was practically running out the door.
He came home about a week later, I was better. I was anxious and happy he was coming home. I waited up. It was late, about 11 or 12 at night. He came into the house and it was as if a stranger walked in the front door. He was so unhappy. He presided to tell me everything I had done wrong in our marriage and that he didn't feel like we loved each other anymore. I'm thinking "You big stupid jerk, I almost died, I've just had a baby and where the hell is this coming from?" I couldn't understand why he was so mad at me, really. This fight was not my fault. I wanted to see him. I needed him and wanted love and wanted to love him. Who in the heck was this? (I promise I will fill in the blanks as the story unfolds.) Remember...."SIN MAKES PEOPLE STUPID!" So the Story goes.......