Pain was in the DETAILS!

The days after the initial shock of hearing My Husband was unfaithful, where a haze of confusion. I could not sort out this night mare.
I did get a hold of my wonderful and loving Bishop. We sat a time to meet that Evening at his office. The day was a dizzy mess and I couldn't wait until I could talk to someone sane. I did find my Mother and she was in total shock and disbelief. My Dad had found her and she came to my house directly. She had red eyes that were deeply filled with pain. She loved my Husband, Ben (NOT HIS REAL NAME) and felt hurt and saddened.
I went to the Bishop's office by myself. I waited in my car for what seemed like hours and it must have been 10 minutes. I thought to myself "This is not a problem I would have, this is always someone else you hear about!" It was now my problem, my new life. While I was waiting, someone else pulled up and then the Bishop right behind them. Of all people, My Relief Society President. I got out of my car and walk up to the door. The Bishop visited with her for just a minute then She turned to me and said "Meg, are you okay?" I could not say anything to her at that moment so I just said "Not really" She told me she would get in touch with me later. She did call me the next day. She said "I don't know anything that is going on, I just want you to know I am here for you and I will do whatever I can. Just listen, go for a walk or hear you cry. I'll be here." It was a great strength to know someone cared and having her at the Church house at the right time was another of Heavenly Fathers tender mercy's. She was there for me even after she was released and still is to this day!
I was finally able to sit across from my Bishop and tell him what pain I was under. He was so loving, tears filled his eyes. He was so stunned, you remember, he called Ben to be his Executive Secretary. He said "Meg, I prayed about calling him, I know it was the right feeling." He felt betrayed too. I said "Bishop, it was up to Ben to be truthful and maybe Heavenly Father gave him a choice to come forward and he didn't." Looking back, I think there were so many times he should have stepped back out of unworthiness, I know I would have, but when you are involved in such shame you try to keep appearances normal and good. A person is 2 different characters and that's what he was doing. He was playing the good Ben and the Bad Ben. He wanted to live in 2 different worlds. The Bishop said to me "Sister Glenn, I need to call the Stake President and tell him what is going on because he is a Melchizedek Priesthood holder. Do I have you permission?" My heart sank as I replied "Yes." That is how the road to excommunication began. It was now on a Stake level and no turning back. My Bishop finish talking to me and then gave me a blessing. He was such a strength in my darkest time. He walked me to the door and shook my hand. He told me how much my family meant to him. Our children where close to him, so he also felt like a loving Grandpa too. As I walked out, his sweet wife was sitting in a chair in the darkened lobby. She stood up to hug me, I fell into her arms. She was the hug that my Bishop couldn't give me. I had known her as a teenager, she was a good friend. She just held me and said "Oh honey, what can I do?" She told me how much she loved me and how important I was. She was so caring.
The excommunication process was rapid. We met with the Stake President the next night, a Tuesday. Ben had to confess what he had done still holding back details that weren't brought to light. He told just what he had too. I didn't know that at the time. He was in a complete tail spin. I can't even imagine what he was feeling. Probably, "OH CRAP! I'm busted and I'm not willing to sell my self out!" Lots of details would be coming out in the next few days, weeks, months and that's how long it took. The extent was enormous. That following Sunday we met with the High Counselors and Stake President. The Men were informed about a brethren that had committed Adultery and he had a wife and children. They didn't know who it was until we walked in the room. Yes, I accompanied him. Looking back, that was something that would help me heal. I needed to see this process, it was justice some what. I needed to see him held accountable for wronging me. The Council was filled with 12 men we both knew. We live in a small, close net community. I saw the sorrow in all of their faces as we entered the room. I know it was a shock to them too. We sat at the end of a long table. The table is set-up to where you can see each of the Brethren's faces. They were a long faced looking bunch, I tell you what! The Stake President started out with the facts he knew "Brother Glenn, is it true that you have had an extra marital affair?" Ben answered "Yes." President continues "Is it true that she now says she is pregnant?" Ben's answer, "Yes." You should have seen the Brethren's faces then, they had to lift their jaws off of the table. They all looked at me to see my reaction. I was still in shock so I'm sure my face was blank. The Stake President asked us to leave while they discuss their decision. We went to the lobby and waited. We were alone and the mood was very sad. I felt kind of vindicated though. I thought "Now a room full of Men knows what a jerk you have been to me and our family." I had so many emotions flying left and right. I also felt we knew what the answer would be and it didn't take long. We were asked to re-join them. The Stake President told him the decision would be excommunication. It was so cut and dry. He went on to tell him that he could no longer attended the Temple, he couldn't wear the Sacred Garment, he could attend Church but would no longer be a Member. He was not to take part in any way. He could not pay his tithing, he could not use or hold the Priesthood. That is when the tears started flowing from his eyes. He had been crying but not flowing until this moment. All his blessings where removed. It was a heart ache also for me. All my dreams of a Worthy Priesthood holder melted and dissolved with each word spoken. It was true sorrow. I cried with shaking shoulders. I was beyond consulting. The Stake President asked if he had anything to say. Ben got his composure and said "I'll be back, I want to be a member again someday and I will do all that I can to get there. I PROMISE." I feel that it was sincere and that Heavenly Father was going to help him with that promise, but it was going to take moving mountains to get there. The Stake President asked if I had anything I wanted to say. (I really can't remember what I said. I couldn't bear keeping a journal about this. My Sister asked me too but I felt like I could never relive the traumatic details, and here I sit typing them.) I know I said that I still loved him and that I was willing to help him, that I made a convent with him and my children to endure to the end and try to pull us back as an eternal family. It wasn't easy. It took a lot of fasting and prayer to feel this way. We stood up to leave and there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Each man reached out to shake our hands. Ben was given many hugs and words of love and encouragement.
The next Tuesday the door bell rang at our house. Ben answered it and it was a Counselor in the Stake Presidency. He asked if he could speak to him outside. He gave a letter with the Councils decision. It was final. He was no longer a Member of the LDS church. How sad that a person will give up the greatest blessings for worldly pleasures that are so fleeting. I just can't figure out why people don't take heed to the warning that our sins will be "Shouted from the roof tops" That is enough for me. I remember when I learned that in Seminary. I thought "Gosh, I hope I don't do anything that bad that people will hear it from the roof tops!"
It was such a sad time. Our little boy was turning 8 in a month and Ben had to tell him that he couldn't baptize him. That is when I think Ben saw the true sorrow. Our little boy was brave for a few minutes and then completely fell apart. He said "But Daddy, who's going to Baptize me?" Ben answered "Grandpa will do it." And our little boy cried "But Daddy, I wanted you to do it." His older Brother and Sister were crying too. It was one of the saddest moments in my life.
Now you ask, "How could this family possibly live through this?" The Holy Ghost, he was my constant companion!! It is truly one of the greatest gifts a person can receive. I had comfort beyond what I could comprehend. I would feel complete despair, I would pray and feel the sweet peace only Heaven could bring. No words could help from others, well maybe my Mom's but other than her I could only attain it through the Holy Ghost. One late night I was feeling like I was coming apart. I felt like I must have been the ugliest most unwanted person in the world. I just ran everything over and over in my mind. I was not being kind to myself. Well I had to stop and realize who was wanting me to feel this way. Satan knows our weaknesses and mine was self esteem. My nephew says that he is one of the biggest cowards, he doesn't get us when we are strong, he waits for a weak time and that's when he works on you. This was that time. I crawled out of my bed and dropped to my knees. I needed to hear I was good, loved and of value. It's one of the things an affair robs you of, personal value. I pleaded with Heavenly Father for help. I finished my pray and was still unable to resume sleep. I went into our living room and turned on the T.V. I was flipping through channels and thought maybe I could find peace from the BYU channel. A Sister was talking, at first I didn't listen fully then she started speaking as if just to me. She said that our Savior knows our heart ache and pain, that he loves us as individuals. That we are women of great worth. I cannot recall all that she said but I know how I felt. I felt like my Father in Heaven was telling me what he wanted me to hear, through another person. I felt the sweet warmth of Heavenly arms wrapped around my heart. I knew in that moment I was not alone, that I had the angels of Heaven with me. I knew that if I did all that I could, I would be taken care of and loved. It was the most amazing feelings. The speaker was Wendy L. Watson. I believe she is now married to Russell M. Nelson. I might be wrong... She spoke to my heart that dark night. It was one of the tenderest mercy's from my loving Heavenly Father. It helped sustain me.
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The Details....
(Warning...My ranting time!!) The details had to be sorted out. It was like a ball of yarn that suddenly was tangled and needed all the knots taken out. It was tight and hard. Ben would give a little here and there. I finally called the girl up. I had to know if what she was saying was true, that she was carrying Ben's child. She said that she miscarried, which I know was a lie. Remember, she worked at my Dr.'s office when I was pregnant with my last child. I knew the talk in the office. When she was married to her husband She was having fertility problems and couldn't get pregnant. I know it wasn't her husband because after she left he got another girl pregnant. (It sounds like a yucky soap opera. It felt like one too!) That's why I doubted her story all along. She was extremely heavy and could not conceive. Ben had not been intimate with her until after he had a vasectomy. On regular terms, yes someone could conceive but this would have not been one of those times. She was sticky sweet when I talked to her. I did not accuses or go after her in anyway. I needed to keep her thinking I was this wounded victim and I needed her friendship...P-L-EASEEEE She told me that if I needed anyone to talk to, she was there for me. Whatever you stupid girl. This girl had the guts to show up at our Church House to see Ben's wife. I remember walking out and seeing her sitting in our lobby. I thought she must have moved into our Ward because her husband had kicked her out. She was just there to check me out...sicko!! She was checking the competition out. Humm wonder what she thought. I was a slight 100 lbs. lighter...girl friend! I asked Ben what he thought when he saw her sitting there. He said he felt like all HELL was about to break lose. YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!!Enough of my ranting. I might have ruined the spirit but I had to share that detail. So the Story goes.......